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| Pictured: hung over. |
Well, the new comic’s had just under a million hits, and it sounds like people like it, which is great. Extremely great (Nicolas Cage in The Rock reference … oh God I’ve got to stop putting Nicolas Cage references in everything I HAVE A DISEASE HALP).
I’ve added the comments to the comic page, but I thought I’d talk in more detail about a few of the comments because there’s something interesting going on.
Comments submmitted:
- I love your ethics and insistence that sex should ALWAYS be consensual – and fun for ALL involved.
- Actual sexiness and humour, so much better than the usual, lame assumed sexiness and shit loads of grim cruelty and violence. More. MOAR!
- Its sexy because of the realistic interactions between people who are unsure of how the other person will react to their reactions. Shows respect.
- Thank you so much for including continual, explicit, positive consent during truth or dare!
Interesting. Being someone who’s had a general eye on porn-y things for over a decade (cough cough), I really do think there’s a big rise in violent / non-consensual stuff out there. I appreciate there’s a place for role-play during sex, but this isn’t that. This thing we’re talking about is woman-hating, female-abusing, questionable-consent, occasionally-actual-rape-culture stuff, particularly prevalent in American and Japanese cultures. Perhaps that’s unfair; British porn has it too, just we’re more polite about it I guess! Either way, it’s always damagingly misogynistic.
The problem is, I believe that the people who provide this cruel/violent content, and the people who get ‘into’ it, suffer. Like, really suffer. The things we get into do affect us and how we think – that’s been my experience – and can have knock-on effects on our relationships, first with our own sense of self, and then as a result, our own methods of self-denial, relational control and self-harm.
Now … it has to be said, my comics include a little bit of incest! This will be increasing as the series goes on – particularly with the next comic. So this is a warning – we are all in charge of, and can be victims of, the stuff we view online. I have some deep-seated issues which mean incest does play a bit of a role in what I think is sexy, and to be honest I create comics to gently explore that whole thing; I find it helpful.
It’s also unhelpful, because it allows me to escalate a symptom! But consensual incest is a very different thing to actual woman-hating sexual abuse. I’m not necessarily judging people who are into that – we are all into things for our own different reasons – but I definitely think demeaning / violent cruelty against any other human being is an indicator of a serious problem. For example, if you think that locking children in cages is ok, then you have a very serious problem. Really basic point, this.
And I don’t know what the solution is globally, I only know that in my own relationships (and those of my friends), with men and women, that when one person controls/subjugates the other, there is no love.
I’d go further and say a relationship between two people cannot flourish while one human believes they are worth more than the other. The relationship will be more of a ‘deal’, an established partnership of abuse perhaps. The symptoms are division, turmoil and self-hatred, and the symptoms are very serious. I also believe that they are symptoms that people, all people, can live free from.
That has also been my experience.
Sorry if you disagree with all this. I simply believe that gender equality is good for all people; men and women alike. You and me. Not because I am some hippy lefty (I’m not), but because I see it happening and un-happening all the time.
If you are stuck in it, I believe you are worthy of real love. End of story.
(I put The Velveteen Rabbit below because it has some deep, life-changing wisdom around being loved into real life… also if you haven’t watched the video above, that’s an absolute belter too!)
