I was talking to someone yesterday, who said their meditation method focused on reducing their own suffering. Now … bear with me … on the face of it, this makes sense, I mean who wants to suffer? Except … still bear with me … I completely disagree with that philosophy. If we prioritise the removal of suffering then we diminish our capacity to live with mistakes, and as people make mistakes (including ourselves), we become both isolated and self-loathing, so it’s not an amazingly good idea.
Obviously reducing unnecessary suffering does make sense; I’m not going to purposefully put chilli oil in my contact lens solution. But as a general philosophy I think if we are not prepared to suffer, then we are not ready for love. Because love and suffering are two sides of the same coin.
… we go into dark places, we choose an inconvenient path, we select the option that does not serve our own purposes first, because we love. If it weren’t for love, we could just opt-out of everything inconvenient; and indeed I think many, many people do exactly this, to their own detriment.
Some of the most miserable people I know have spent the broad middle of their lives reducing suffering as much as possible, and as a result they sadly live shadow lives in which they’re effectively terrified of going out of the house. Once you focus on eradicating inconvenience from your life, you are pretty much headed down an avenue in which ‘other people’ (inconvenient) are rarely encountered, and the whole concept of real giving is removed.
… and our giving is so important. This isn’t just about ‘nice’ things that ‘nice’ people do, it’s a completely fundamental thing that helps us to be us. Just look at the NHS 5 ways to wellbeing thing: Giving is just as crucial as basic exercise.
Anyway, just a thought. A thought that the STFW comics universe has been exploring for some time, clearly. If we choose the path of love, we are choosing something life changing and incredible, but we are also saying … okay … we will go into dark places, we will act, we will be badasses.
And it’ll be easy to find quotes from people I consider badasses, on this topic, look I’ll google it …
Every time I take a step in the direction of generosity, I know I am moving from fear to love. ~ Nouwen
Love that does not know of suffering is not worthy of the name ~ Clare of Assisi
We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty ~ Angelou
I think God wants us to love, and be loved. But we are like children, thinking our toys will make us happy and the whole world is our nursery. Something must drive us out of that nursery and into the lives of others, and that something is suffering ~ Lewis
One of the best-kept secrets, and yet hidden in plain sight, is that the way down is the way up ~ Rohr
… see? Knew it. Someone should make some comics about this shit.
(^ nb. this image was both a reference to Akira [purely because I liked the layout of that iconic graphic], and a reference to the concept that God sees our suffering and is kinda weirdly present at those moments. I mean if the Christian story is taken purely at philosophical value, then God=Love. So the link between God and Suffering is crucial.)
(How many people spotted those references on that page? Probably none, but heck I’m just gonna keep making my silly comics the way I think they should be, lol)
Anyway, broadly, we go into darkness when we are ready …
… and tend to accidentally find the completion (/ the understanding / the acceptance) of our identities in the process.
Well said,
Ta.
Our suffering makes us who we are!
It is part of our journey! Without suffering, we cannot know joy. I have experienced a lot of both in my 69 years, and together, they have made me stronger! (at least I feel they have)
👍
“I don’t want my pain taken away, I need my pain!” – James T. Kirk
Yeah it’s an interesting one, that one. On one side, I disagree with the general Kirk philosphy (ie Might is Right, he’s the strongman who fixes everything, he’s necessarily incapable of a long term relationship because he can’t rely on anyone else, he thinks he’s going to die alone etc etc), and yet I agree with how he stands up to that ‘prophet’ guy in that film you’ve quoted.
To some extent our pain does make us US, and needs to not just be removed – he’s right. But if he really believed that, why did Kirk cheat on the Kobayashi Maru?
Like all of us, he’s a bit of a hypocrite – he avoids suffering (Kobayashi Maru), but he knows painful stuff is part of us as well. The Tiberius Paradox https://sindyannajones.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2024/04/Screenshot-2024-04-11-at-10.11.27.png
Well, I think it depends. There are several forms of suffering. Say you suffer from living in a cold house. If you can motivate yourself to put in the effort to do more paid work (and your work adds to human value rather than being some parasitic or exploitative job – I tutor maths and science to get students through their exams, for example) than you can afford to buy some better (or get fixed) space/central heating and so warm up. Surely that is an ethically good way to reduce your suffering.
But I get you were mainly talking about human relationship suffering. Well, speaking as a bit of a hyper-sensitive person (‘thin-skinned’) who has always reflected on the minor comments, trivial slights etc. of others and suffers for it, it seems if I could learn somehow to ignore all that (become thicker-skinned) I would be better able to cope with more real negative interactions with people and so be more ‘out there’ in the world. Whether one can learn to do that through meditation is something I don’t know though.
Yes you’re quite right there’s different types of suffering, and I’m trying to talk about the personal choices thing as opposed to general home-building decisions. I also used to be very (in my case overly) thin-skinned – and to some extent still am – it’s part of us, part of our sensitivity to what is truly going on with the world / with people – and is a wonderful (if painful) gift – we know that deep down, don’t we? On the other hand, we need that balance, right? That more sustainable way of interacting. We need to find a way of being that is as kind to us, as we are to the world. Honestly it’s one of the greatest paths we can be on – the path of the Wounded Healer.
I don’t know you or the details of why you might be a sensitive soul, but in my case I needed to really learn about my value, my voice, my place amongst the stuff of life, before I was able to choose to defend it. Took me probably ten years, of facing some demons and talking/working it through (including writing comics like Lithium which I did many years ago and am only just getting round to creating), but it is definitely very doable, no matter your circumstances or age. Turned out some of the things I believed about myself were responses to trauma, which I had buried and pretended away for decades. Those needed to be explored before I could find balance.
The truth for me, and I’m sure you’ll probably understand – was that I did not want to become ‘thick skinned’ at all – because I could see through all that, could see the pain people carried under all that blubber and bluster – and it was not a path for me. So I suppose the trick was learning to be comfortably thin-skinned, holding those negative comments very very lightly, understanding them but not being damaged by them. There’s an excellent kids book that explores the topic: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56728.You_Are_Special – or if you like more grown-up reading, Henri Nouwen gets it; “… the identity that makes you free is anchored beyond all human praise and blame”.
Is it not that you need to suffer but you need to be open to and accepting of suffering?
Yeah I suppose so. Maybe it’s that we are all going to suffer at some point, the question is what do we do with it? Do we shut up shop and try to insulate ourselves further from the world, or do we process what has happened and move on? Do we become obsessed by CCTV footage and live our lives in a cell of our own making, or do we get on with life knowing that our TV might get stolen at some point?
Keep making silly comics, you silly comic maker.
👍
Sooooooo… No pain, no gain?
Guess so. As long as the ‘gain’ is not driven by selfish reasons, then yeah.
Trouble is that phrase normally refers to someone trying to get more muscles so they can become more impressive, ie narcissism/fear/insecurity/inferiority complex. Maybe that’s a bit harsh … sorry if there are body builders reading this, if it’s pure art then fine, carry on.
Interestingly, the body builders / weight lifters I’ve known personally (only about 5 people) have all been driven by a violent experience and their desire to keep themselves safe. Which makes sense and could be described as an act of self-love, I suppose. I don’t know what point I’m making, other than ‘no pain, no gain’ can be taken to mean many different things hehh
I have a dificlut time bringing my thoughts to paper… even this reply is taking longer than I expected.
There is no real coherent reason why I suddenly had the urge to reply to this post, but this one it shall be.
Basically that is also all I had to say, I read it, it moved me, like some of the other posts and I wanted people to know. … .. . Also.. Boobies.
Well, you’re welcome to comment any time. Often the best things are not for any real coherent reason, we just have to kinda feel our way through stuff. So thank you 👍
I saw this soon after it was published and it presented some deep ponderables that I wanted to explore before answering. Very insightful and, in a way, you held up a mirror to my current life where I have semi-isolated to do some deep innerwork.
There is definite suffering found therein! It’s taking responsibility and acknowledging and embracing your own darkness of shadow and, In a fashion, the darkness of the collective consciousness of humanity(for it is all connected). If you can accept and embrace the emotion, it begins to lose power because it only wants to be heard, seen and experienced. Same for a dream monster or a bully on the street(or work). If you ignore it, it grows. If you acknowledge and listen, it starts to return to a balance point.
Suffering does seem to be integral to our life experience to get us out of the known to explore beyond. And each time we do, we grow. Some of our greatest growth has come from pain we thought unbearable. But we each went through the guantlet and emerged better (or for some, more bitter).
You can still give when you are not socially active for the greatest gift we can give the world is that of our own transformation. One has to be aware though, that can become a self-perpetuating ego trip and become a prison if one is not careful.
Suffering, happiness, stillness, movement. They all seem to be temporary on the bumpy road of life. And the quote ‘It is what is is’ a salve of acceptance for the injured bits so we can continue. Acceptance is starting the engine of processing and integration.
Love is an infinite field. What seems to separate us from it is our own baggage, beliefs, scar tissue and unwillingness to perceive ourselves as worthy if it. Acceptance is a hot wire of connection but the socket we plug into is within.
Thanks for the deep insight and the continual exploration and expression of what lies outside of the comfort zone. It’s this mindset that makes your comics so enjoyable, intriguing and interesting beyond the delicious bodies and delightful erotic encounters (which are also quite fun!).
I always get excited when I see a new Sindy comic (or post), because I know you are going to take me on a ride embracing all the best (and worst) of Life.
That, dear Sindy, is a world transforming gift!
Shine On, Brightlight!
Love! Thank you.
hi sindy long time listener first time commenter,
its not that our suffering that defins us its what we learn from it, its like the quote about history “those who dont learn from history are doomed to repeat it”. now it might not be intirely correct but it does put a point across in some areas, because we leasrn from our mistakes and we learn from others mistakes that we know of, but even with that learning we sometimes make the same mistakes which makes on the lose term suffering.
i just wish people would learn more from others so some of the pain and suffering we face can be minimized no negated because we need to evolve, love and respect each other.
the words of wisdom and philosophy in your comics are brilliant and the concept needs to be used more in other areas, please keep up the brilliant work and to answer the age long question traffic cones are everywhere Hitchhikers Guide the the Galaxy shows us that lol.
Hehe thanks Jon. Yeah we’d all be in a different place if we learnt from others mistakes, but speaking for myself, I never seem to! Ah well, part of being a human I suppose, we have these constantly brand new ways of self-destructing, until we let our pain get heard/processed properly. And yeah wondering about when I wrap up Lithium – I should put a Hitchhikers reference in there right at the very end – it can take lots of credit for my work I’m sure, along with Red Dwarf etc 🙂
Yeah! Like maybe have all the main characters from “Lithium” and OHB meet up for dinner at The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe! (Maybe even Charlie and Jack’s Mum and Dad, too) [Now, we don’t usually do this, but just over a year ago…]??
Thank you for making this point so well, I will carry it with me and try to follow the ethos. Would you consider being the supreme being for a while, just until the human race gets its shit together. Can’t take more than a few millenia surely…
Hehe, I mean I’d give it a whirl but there is only one who is good; and it’s definitely not me! If I had a go, the World would come shuddering to a halt in 0.2 seconds, so … probably best not. Best I can do is dance about like a weird little fairy as I try to figure out my own shit; join me, the water is warm!
I don’t post comments. Anywhere……but since I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re possibly my favourite comic artist/ philosopher/ self confessed geek of all time I thought I’d like to acknowledge the fact. Please keep it coming. I never get tired of trying to identify the visual and written references that sneak in and the layers of comedy, comment, out and out erotic charge, characterisation and tongue in cheek fun are a positive delight.
I’ve been lucky enough to work on some of the stuff you mention, Hitchhikers Guide (the film) being one of them. Douglas Adams had shuffled off this mortal coil by that time, but I spoke to enough of the people who knew him to be able to say that I think he’d love your work too.
All the very best.
Smoke me a kipper – I’ll be back for breakfast….
AAaaaaahhhh, Alan, what a lovely comment, thank you. I shall harbour my own theories for who you might be, for a moment there I thought OH MY GOD IT’S ALAN RICKMAN! … but … probably not. Anyway, very cool to have worked on Hitchhikers Guide (must’ve watched it at least 5 times; really enjoyed it), and thank you for what you said about the great Douglas Adams.
Ahh Red Dwarf quotes – I’m sure there’s more in my comics than I intend, even last week I found myself saying “What is happ – ppening?” in normal conversation before I realised where that came from, haha