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Hi everyone! How’s your 2026 going?! Mine’s going great. This month I went down a few pretty dark rabbit holes with my 3D rendering and potential new storylines and then I … took a few steps back, hehe. Ever notice that? That you can escalate in terms of the booby stuff you look at (and/or produce) and find yourself in a dark place? I totally do it now and then.
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I always found if I got totally free of online booby stuff (which tended to correlate with poor mental health seasons, and therefore something to step back from occasionally), my ‘onboarding’ system to get started with booby stuff again was always Instagram – it’s like an easy way to go ‘PHWOARR!‘ without feeling bad for objectifying humans. Then I’d get numb to that and move onto slightly more nudey sources, which soon enough got me onto more hardcore content.

And at some point we sort of blink our eyes and shake our heads and go “WOAH. What the hell am I looking at?!”

Anyway that’s my experience, and I know I’m not the only one. Why do we do that, eh? Go down rabbit holes and suddenly realise we’re up to our necks in shit we hadn’t intended on? Seems a pretty human thing.

Pretty human thing to go down avenues we hadn’t planned.

Pretty human thing to need some sort of ‘recognition of badness’ mechanism.

Pretty human thing to feel bad and take action to course-correct.

And we step back and take a look back down our path and see the minor objectifying/hateful little comment that started it all, and in the context of where we got to, it all seems pretty crazy! “Where’s his birth certificate?!” Hehe. “But her emails” hahaha! Good stuff.

But as I get older, I seem to get more familiar with these cycles that lead me into dark places, these onboarding moments. And though I still fall foul of them occasionally (and have to forgive myself and start fresh), it seems the methods of my failure are losing their grip on me. Like it’s not a perfectly circular cycle of failure, but more of an upward-travelling spiral, each return moving me gently towards an atonement that paints a larger meta-picture of a journey that is something I could never have predicted nor intentionally planned.

So yes, like some masturbating fifteen year-old, I do look at things I shouldn’t look at now and then, and that lead me into darker recesses, but it seems there is still a broader story going on. A calm and patient journey in the direction of something I can’t ever quite make out, but that calls to me, as a compass point will call to the mapless.

Maybe this is what it is to be alive; to make mistakes and to learn how to address them. And only those who refuse to learn find themselves on the spiral heading in the wrong direction. Discover in the mirror the real stunted images of the world. Perhaps they are the ones in hell, the ones who needed that parental hug the most. Hiding in lies and deception, perhaps a grasp for power is just a last-ditch scrabble for a feeling of something more solid than the cottage cheese upon which they’ve built the structures of their lives. A clutching, talons-dripping rip towards the always-distant promise of power-over-death.

Classic stuff. And as Tolkien pointed out, we all need political structures that take power away from those who desire it the most. Here’s a random castle scene.

No kings in this picture, are there? Not that I have a problem with kings per se; I mean as long as they understand that the role of the king is to represent abstracted sovereignty, not to wield any power other than holding a parliament to account; to serve and not to be served. If they understand that then I’m all for kings. King Charles; top bloke. King Putin; do one.

On a related note, I know I get a lot of visitors from the colonies Americas; do you ever wonder how America looks from across the pond? Roughly how it looks to anyone who’s studied the outbreak of the 2nd World War, I suppose. Sorry about that, but it’s not exactly a surprise, surely. We’ve been saying this since 2016; your lobe-first dementia guy was always going to try and do this; and now it looks like that last vote you had is very likely to be the last vote you’ll ever get.

The Oligarchs had this same disregulated function in the 1930s, the Gestapo worked like this too, they said and did precisely these things, and the thickies still stood back and applauded, clanging their ever-hollow cymbals as if this was the right path. They still clutched their ‘patriot’ merch and shrieked about some bollocks or other, as their neighbours and anyone who disagreed increasingly got offed in the night.

Some of us even bother to make erotic comics about the topic of trauma-sourced control hierarchies; with masked police forces and anonymous kidnappings and everything. Lovely, funny, booby comics read by tens of millions of people … about family issues and parental neglect and political hatred and using humans as mere resources and toxic ideas and the dead-end logics of capitalism, about hurt people hurting people … and did it help? Probably not. But there were some nice sex scenes in it, so you know. Swings and roundabouts.

… ahhh, the stupidity of flex culture and its correlation with violence. Here’s the good news, though: after our Tory party did the shittest job they could possibly do, we voted them out, and the party completely fell apart. They were a pretty Grand and a fairly Old party, too. Byeeee, you fucks. Hahaha.

But the cycle doesn’t quite stop there, does it? Even as we speak, as the UK licks its wounds from the chronic mismanagement of the past few decades, even as we watch markets re-stabilise and hospital waiting lists slowly go back down, our own clusters of the thickest people on the planet are busy thinking Farage might be a good idea.

Ooooh, he does say a lot of very nice things, doesn’t he? He can’t be bad, right? Wrong, dickheads. Farage barely even deserves his moniker of Poundland Trump, the man is clearly capable of caring for nothing larger than a Greggs chicken slice and is desperately in need of some psychological help. Ah well, we’ll cross that stupid bridge when we stupid come to it, I suppose.

And the more active among us will have to step in, as always, before it’s too late to vote for anything, and punch the Nazis until they are gone away. Because we simply want free healthcare, education and high standards of living; that’s not too much to ask for, surely. What we do not want is for everyone to be afraid of everyone else, we don’t want to pay obscene amounts of money to violent and lawless adolescents, and we definitely, definitely do not want the Murdochs to stay in charge of the media.

So this is the part of the global cycle we find ourselves in; the ‘find out’ part of the long-established ‘fuck around’ process. I believe we will learn to tax the rich properly one day. And if not tax them, I believe we may have to learn how to eat them.

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PS. if you comment anything approaching a pro-trump/farage comment, then you’re either a disinformation bot (a few of which have noticeably commented on this website, particularly when I have a go at fascism), or at this stage, a [neo] Nazi sympathizer. Both options will result in your comment being edited for comedy, by me. Good luck, dickheads! Did you actually vote for that stain? Then yes ☑️ you have been an utter cunt. Hey, don’t feel bad about it; we all go down dark rabbit holes from time to time; all part of being human.

But take a step back and change your sources of news, quick, before the cycle of hatred takes your life as well. This is merely notice that if you keep going, you will start to lose your voice. Particularly on this free website xxx

PPS. Epstein. (just baiting the bots)