Who knows what to do, eh? All of this **gestures vaguely** going on.
It’s almost as if our powerlessness is okay, is part of us. And all we really need to do is to be us. People who care about people. People who when grievance politics comes on the radio … we switch the radio off. People who look for kindness and clarity. Who change channels when inconsistency comes on, or a certain media proves itself consistently unreliable. People who stand up for their neighbours. Who understand that people make mistakes. Who don’t buy into the relentless casting of certain races as ‘money grabbing’ or ‘terrorists’, people who want to become aware of their own biases and to heal them; that’s the direction I want to go in.
Recently I’ve been thinking that in order to become ‘legends’, we only really need to see it modeled. That’s it. If we can see how it is to be kind as a person, as someone with functioning relationships, as someone who is content, at peace, then we can choose that path. The problem is that for so many of us … we’ve never even seen it. We’ve sat in our rooms, on youtube, watching Andrew Tate -type characters, angry and muscular. Over-inflated boys scrambling for respect, repressing something and unable to process it. Lashing out at mother. Is that masculinity? Is strength about muscles and wearing a large watch?
No.
I would suggest that we cannot love others until we learn how to love ourselves, and sometimes that’s a bit of a journey. Certainly is for me. And Mike, here:
Perhaps one day I will become one of those people whose actions truly align with their clear set of values. And perhaps I will be known for having a freaking great butt.
Clarity, though.
Takes real guts.
Results in real living.
(Again, no conclusion nor point to this blog. Ur welcs)
Rage. My job most days seems to consist of continuously dumping my rage overboard, so I can try to think and feel with some notion of clarity. The pressure of the rage keeps wanting to leak out through every word I speak or type, so I heavily filter myself rather than dump it on others.
I will not look away. I’m just trying to find ways to take things in without triggering more rage. Without the rage, I’m certain I can become more useful and supportive. “Massively Angry” would be a huge improvement!
Instead, I’ve deprived myself of my voice. I feel I’m trapped in that Harlan Ellison story, “I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream”. (Please read it! https://galacticjourney.org/stories/I_Have_No_Mouth_and_I_Must_Scream_-_Harlan_Ellison.pdf)
Fortunately, talking about my rage helps, something I can do without exploding. Good thing I’m seeing my therapist on Monday!
No, rage doesn’t rule my life. I’m still getting stuff done, at least most stuff. But more time is devoted to draining the rage, such as by long walks, listening to music, vigorous workouts, and by idly people-watching at local cafes. I still need to feel, and time away from the rage is precious.
Rage even affects my dreams, which is just pain nasty of it to do.