Always a fan of Jerry Seinfeld (although I guess there’s a pretty strong chance that particular sitcom donger appears in the Epstein files … let’s not get into that), there are a couple of classic moments I always loved in that series; (1) SERENITY NOW! Shrieked by Ben Stillers father will always hold a warm place in my heart, and (2) It’s in the Vault.
The Vault was always this sort of undefined secrecy/honour system the characters had, with varying success. But it makes me wonder what my own Vault is, what it holds. I suppose I’ve worked hard to move away from the flurry of adolesence, in which one’s Vault is filled with gossip and slander and secrets (tbh I was never much into those things anyway), and towards a place in which my Vault is filled with tools for myself.
Tools that can help me when I’m at my lowest ebb, when my poor modern brain is unable to think clearly or decide how to help itself. When I’m so numbed by input that I can barely form sentences, I can open the steely Vault and select a tool or device which will give me some comfort, soothe my boiling brain, and help me to recover back to my truest, whole self once more.
This box-of-tricks approach was introduced to me during some training a few years back, on mental health (not that I’m a psych/therapy person by trade, but the topic is always interesting no matter your professional background). The training began with us all listing the things that gave us energy – you do that and make it a good list before you even begin learning about stress and MH methodologies – and then you refer back constantly to your gives-energy listing.
So perhaps the question I’m putting to my gorgeous, intelligent, numerous and variously weird blog readers is this; in good times, have you made your own list so that in bad times you can read it? Does your vault contain the shameful screams of a thousand banshees, or does it contain tinctures that may balm your weary soul on days when overwhelm beckons? Which tiny elixirs could restore you from the realms of burnout to which we all seem so attracted?
Here’s my negative list of things I can do which sort of help in the short term, but which tend to lead me into darker cycles:
Drink beer/wine/cider/spirits/cocktails/anything- Wanky wank
- Drink EVEN MORE
- Wank EVEN MORE ooh it’s getting a bit sore
- Doom scroll social media, try to avoid rage-bait and grievance politics
Here’s my positive list (this is the real Vault):
- Go on a walk in fresh air
- Put my phone on flight mode
- Make a lovely cup of tea
- Touch lichen, appreciate the infinitesimally detailed and perfect/imperfect nature of the cosmos
- Have a lovely bath
- Have a lovely nap
- Make a lovely cup of tea
- Sit in an ancient pub with a trusted friend or two
- Read really terrible scifi from the 60s-80s
- Make a lovely cup of tea
- Walk somewhere with a river, remove my shoes and socks, and wade across the river for no reason
- Play minecraft (it follows a certain set of rules and can be chill af)
- Type ANY words as fast as I can; no grammar, no structure, just freeflow gogogo for 15 minutes, see where it goes
Travel pillion with my significant other to a cafe and sit and talk shit for an hour or two- Go on a serious walk in forests until I’m completely lost and have to use the compass app on my phone
- Browse old vinyl in rotting old record shops with no intention of buying anything
- Ditto books, ditto rotting old shops, ditto zero intention
- Make a lovely cup of tea
- Zen and the art of various types of mechanical tinkering
- Cycle, garden, prune, clip, hoover (I quite like hoovering!)
- Plan one absurdly high-end meal and walk to a shop to buy one or two extremely niche ingredients, and cook the meal while dancing around listening to the vinyl I intended not to buy but inevitably did
- Journal/write/blog (like I’m doing right now)
- Make a lovely cup of tea
- Set fire to things and sit and watch them buuuuurrrnnnnn until my eyeballs are warm and my bogies are black with soot
- Tea … two sugars.
We all have negative lists, but what’s on your positive list? No, seriously. Let’s write it, share it, and perhaps we’ll begin to live it.
[Boobies]
You had me with the tea (you can’t beat a lovely cup of tea) right up until you ruined it with the whole two sugars malarkey! But, each to their own, as long as you enjoy it, that’s good enough for me.
I know haha! Tbh though I used to have two sugars, I’m now down to more like nought point two – but it doesn’t have quite the same ring to it ☕️
I don’t have any lists but find that a daily does of musical meditation keeps the situation under control. Just listening to music you love or want to explore is a fabulous way to escape your own issues. But maybe a list is a good idea and I too am keen on tea and vinyl shopping, walking, cycling in the woods, playing snooker watching weird shit on TV etc. I also minimise the intake of the nasty shit that flies around the media non stop, that I suspect is the key to contentment as much as anything.
All good things. Yeah cycling in the woods is a real joy. And re minimising intake of nasty shit – you know how people have AdBlocker? I wonder if we need a Grievance Politics / Bullshit blocker? Like an app/browser plugin that just reads content ahead of you and filters out anything full of hatred or bile … brb making millions … and spending it on vinyl
I’m with Munkjack on music. Whenever it’s on, it’s easier for me to also be on. My brother-in-law and I have amassed a 2 TB library of music (that we OWN) that has been curated via deep dives into various genres, mainly via trips to local used music stores and always buying album merch for every concert we attend. I love to play through it randomly, favoriting pieces I don’t remember so I can later listen to the album. I also have a list of 1000 internet radio stations I like to randomly stream.
Your lists and mine have lots of overlap. In particular:
– My tea collection includes at least 20 varieties, though my favorite is Stash’s Double-Bergamot Earl Grey (no cream or sugar).
– I have a wall-mounted alcohol fireplace that I love to use in the winter, as it provides flames, heat and, most importantly, humidity.
Other things on my list:
– Cooking my meals from scratch. One of my favorite acts of self-care.
– Going for a run (when my back lets me).
– Volunteering to walk dogs at my local shelter. Dogs force me to be fully present, and attentive to their needs.
Ah Bob, such a great list! I love that you have a shared music collection with your bro-in-law that’s such a great shout. I wish I was that organised, yeah the sheer volume of gig-bought music I have and don’t get round to really listening to! Argh!
Volunteer dog walker is a great shout; all of the tummy-rubs and exercise, none of the ownership grief/costs 👍
I’ve never before taken the time to make a list, but without too much detail here are some daily habits I suspect help my mental health, probably not too dissimilar to others –
*Taking time to be present with significant other
* Taking time to be alone with my self and my thoughts
* Taking time to spend with a beloved pet
*Reading (physical media) on the toilet when at home
* Reading or listening to an audiobook for 30-60 minutes before sleeptime
Also, not a daily thing, but I do recommend the writings of one Sindy Anna Jones
I’ve never been a list type person, there have been list to follow by everyone applied to my job as an airframe fitter and soldier. There is always something around which will be funny and make me lalf or something which I come across which I fine peace with or is just beautiful for a fleeting second. Never been able to take a hint, right over my head.
I found when I had to do or figure out a problem I begin by gathering my thoughts as I drift of to sleep and in the waking in the morning what is required is ready 9 out of 10 times.
I never really know what will make me happy or content until it’s over.