I suppose when writing something like a journal, we bring into the real, the depths of our struggle. And so when we write stories (or paint pictures, whatever), we’re conjuring something of an avatar of ourselves into the real; cos that’s where the processing can begin. And when it’s something dark, we seem to ‘art’ out the poison, writing becoming the tool that breaks the power of the unspoken dark thing and making it real and therefore more sort of … ‘there’. And once it’s there, it can be affected. The process hurts, but it’s also good.
And as our lad Tolkien points out, fantasy has an important role in our lives. In my 20s, I used to dismiss my love of scifi/fantasy as unimportant dreaming … but as a real adult now (and with training in Trauma care and MHFA and all sorts of things under my belt), I now understand the importance of our silliness and exploring these stories a bit more.
I’m not blowing smoke up my own arse here, I’m not saying my comics are somehow more special or worthy than any other; what I’m saying is one of the things I can forgive myself for is ‘wasting’ time with the ephemera of stories in the first place. Because it turns out; even if they’re shit stories; turns out it’s really important to explore them anyway.
And just as the stories can be avatars for ourselves, and can conjure the path we want to take in our lives …
… the stories themselves may explore the use (and misuse) of avatars/representational power struggles …
… as we process how coercion and control has had an effect on our lives. As we lift the curtain on the puppetmasters in our own lives. And just as we write about that stuff, it seems the chains held so deep will slowly, slowly, slowly come undone.
Leaving us clearer.
More able to see what’s been really going on. With our art. With our writing. With our fapping. With whatever it is that we’ve delved deep with.
And we can return to those early nonsenses we used to dismiss as too whimsical to mean anything, and appreciate them in a new way …
(and when we look back at our stories, in real life or expressed in art, there are just so many silly bits …)
Ahhh, life eh? Turns out the path to maturity is necessarily an immature path.
So if you’re feeling like you’re not adulting very well … that’s okay.
<3
Love these introspective ramblings. As a reader, there are times when my mind starts to drift away from the comic, something in the frame art or story arc triggering a memory or kindling a thought that urges me onto an often philosophical tangent. I sort of freeze, my eyes either unfocused or repeatedly scanning the page, until my journey ends and my attention returns to the comic itself.
Sometimes, the trip away completely dislodges my sense of where the story is, and I have to rewind and re-read a few frames or even pages. As I do so, I try to identify just what it was that facilitated my departure, and I’m sometimes unable to find it. Like the trigger was the result of a random collision between the comic and my subconscious. As if the story is a spoon stirring the burbling pot of my subconscious thoughts while my conscious mind (and my entire hormonal system) follows the story.
I’m the beneficiary of some awesome therapy (primarily CBT and its spinoffs). Though I received it decades after the need became apparent, those decades forced me to develop coping mechanisms and defenses that I’ve become able to readily detect in others. Including in comic characters and story arcs. Many of my ramblings start when such recognitions occur.
One key tension is how a trigger first maps into me, with the next thought being how it is different (don’t want to over-identify or anything). Many of my thoughts explore this space created between the comic character/arc and myself. Small wonder I drift away! Is the trigger a mirror, a magnet, or both?
Most of the time my thoughts are fun but superficial, and I return to the story where I left it. Other times, my brief journey brings me back with a different perspective, viewing the story in a new light, which is when I often have to rewind a bit to better apply that view. It’s like getting a whole ‘nother story.
It’s also one of the things that make your comics so re-readable for me. Once I know the plot, more subtle details can arise with subsequent readings.
I’ve also done some writing (though no publishing, with very limited sharing), and similar things happen when I re-read my scifi novels. Much of it comes from having some distance from who I was when I wrote them (starting a decade ago). While I often vividly recall my mindset at the time I wrote a key plot element, the words I chose then are not the words I’d choose today. Other times, I’d have no clue why I wrote what I wrote, or why I wrote it that particular way. Looking at those differences sends me on my own introspective trips.
Perhaps it’s no surprise that all such trips rely on skills learned through therapy. To willingly and non-judgmentally explore my own thoughts, and to freely let outside thoughts in to “stir the pot”. To have a conversation between myself and my thoughts, often humorous, occasionally revelatory.
Jeez. I’ve waffled on long enough.
tl;dr: Thanks for putting stories out there that hit on multiple levels, stimulate thought, and invite revisiting. And thanks for sharing your own thoughts, outside the stories themselves.